In this society where we live in, it is often said that women are their own worst enemies. The very same women fighting for women rights, feminism, girl power, women empowerment, who ought to be role models and mentors to younger women are the very one waging these battles. Why is it that we are more comfortable with male bosses and vulnerable with females? Why is it that we prefer our future families with more male members than females? Why is it that female friendship don’t stay for long? What’s at the root of this unhealthy rivalry?

Is it that we think there is scarcity of opportunities for women in this male focused arena and we cannot afford the fellow woman to outshine us. Or maybe it is easy to put down a woman  and prove yourself. Or may be we have a soft corner for the opposite sex or we think men are stronger and don’t feel the need to compete with them.

There is no denying the fact that for a woman, it is hard to listen anything good about the other woman. Though most women hate to admit it, they still judge each other on looks, age, physical appearance, social status and sex appeal. This is terrible, but true. Women are relieved when another woman is not more attractive than they are.

To be very frank every woman including me could relate to this weird feeling. For many women, high school was where we cultivated our first real thoughts of society, our first inklings of how life worked. Too often, what we learned was an emphasis on competition and comparison. We spent our days wondering how we could get that boy’s attention and why that girl was prettier or smarter or better than we were. We secretly hated them because they secretly hated us.

This is something we have grown up watching, the “saas-bahu” tv serials which profoundly exclaims that they are a reflection of the social stature of a woman-to-woman relationship, adds fuel to our wrong belief system. Jealousy, hatred, mistrust, competitiveness, apathy etc. are part and parcel of the weird feeling we share among each other.

It’s not that we are taught to feel like that, but subconsciously every woman has this feeling in them. A woman never trusts another with any piece of advice, her compliments, her distress, her exaggerations etc. We often notice that women are very outspoken and wherever they go are easily able to jell with others and soon finds out something to gossip about with their spying skills. This little group of the eavesdroppers presumes that they are the bosom buddies not knowing that one of them becomes the new masala topic as soon as she gets up from the conversation. Or may she know but still sticks around because all women are the same.

There can be nothing more miserable than to have an irked female boss and if you the unlucky one, she leaves no stone unturned to ruin your life, and there comes us trying very hard to flatter her to spare our lives from her evilness because the guys wouldn’t have to do much, you know what I mean!

However, there is something else to be more worried about; the relationships you cannot avoid living under the same roof. The “saas-bahu”, “nanad-bhabhi”, “devarani-jethani” are the few deadliest combos which you are gifted along with your wedding vows to live upto for the rest of your life. The obvious obligation to please one another starts from day one; whether you like it or not. Even if you do things by heart you are judged with every gesture & reaction and you too judge back and make false opinions of your own.

Whereas on the other hand, we can have various examples of the closest bonds women share in terms of “best girlfriends”, “mother-daughter”, “sisters” where there is no room of that weird feeling I talked about. You share your deepest secrets, guilts, gossips, sadness, happiness, advises, tips, ideas, future plans, personal and private matters with one another. Even if you make the other angry, shout, steal or betray- it is all fine. You are more than happy  to see the other flourish and progress in life.

So why is this weird feeling not for everyone but restricted to some tagged relations, as we never get the opportunity to pick and choose any of the relationships for us, it’s just happens and comes our way and we have to accept them as it is. It is the fact that a woman is the only one who could understand exactly what the other goes through but it affects only depending on the category of the relationships she falls.

This is something to be worked on and this time we got to learn something from men because for them whether it is a friend, a cosin, a brother-in law they have the same empathy for all of them. Things are not that complicated for them but we make them complicated for us. It needs to be understood that the social comparisons with which we are engaged into is always done with someone whom we subconsciously believe superior to ourselves undermining our self-worth and our confused place in society. Unfortunately, we end up in making comparisons with even people close to us.

The fight against gender inequality can never be won if we ourselves continue to propagate gender injustice. Women need to stand together in support of each other and work together to bring about a change in attitude of the society.



“It wasn’t MY fault; everything was absolutely fine and going smooth until HE/SHE started”

We often come across people playing the blame games when asked about what went wrong without contemplating why it happened in the first place. The reason to this is very clear that there is a difference of opinion between two people, and both of them are adamant to understand or even listen to the one another. The conflict lingers on until one surrenders to the other and admits its fault. This could happen with anyone and anywhere at work or home, with colleagues or friends & family and no one can refrain themselves from such situations.

A human mind is so complex with millions of thoughts hovering in its head considering that whatever it thinks and perceives is the most righteous thing ever. And this is a very natural phenomenon prevailing in every individual which gives them the power of self-confidence & making an opinion and for them it is obvious that the mind would never make a wrong choice. Since, we are all same so we always support and defend our point of view & decisions taken at a particular time.

There are two kinds of people; one who thinks first, take a pause to actually put their thoughts into words. Even in circumstances of disagreement they are the ones, who calmly listen to what the other person has to say, evaluate the situation to make out the best possible solution. They make sure that there is no room for any conflict and everyone is given a fair chance to say what they think.

The other kind is the one who does not have a filter between their mind and the tongue. Nothing is more important for them than their belief system and proving their point. They choose their ego over the other person. Whoever comes in their way has to bow down to whatever they have to say or face the scuffle. They are not very much fond of losing any argument. However, there are pros and cons of both these kind. One is witty & sharp and the other is honest & unkind.

So how does a conflict start? Let’s get started; there has to be at least two people involved, a heated conversation  and two viewpoints. Both of them burning in their outrage put their plea to the best of their understanding and try to defend their viewpoints until one gets proved wrong. There is one another battle fought more creepy than the above where no words are said, nothing is proved after a heated talk and everything gets numb and intense thereafter until one fine day someone tries to break the ice. Many times it is noticed that the thing for which they were fighting is no more important but the way & the tone with which they reacted was more disturbing and leaves the bitterness behind even when things gets sorted.

Honestly, there is always two sides of a story and both the stories seems right when heard one by one which make me ponder on the fact that; there is nothing right or wrong nonetheless there are two notions shaped in consequence of the individual’s upbringing, exposure and experiences. It seems illogical to demean the other just to justify your point when the other might not be completely wrong.

Here comes the art of actually pick and choose what is worth to fight for; a matter that should be worth more than wasting your constructive energy. It is important to address and acknowledge your point but let it go thereafter. The other person would understand if he wanted to in the first or second attempt. And the ones who keep their ears shut and mouth open all the time would never get it in even 100 times. The heart feels the pain, no doubt at that but how long would you want it to suffer. Your inner peace is more imperative than any insignificant event. You cannot enter into the 0ther person’s head and try to fix it. The brain’s gonna anyway listen to its master not you. So why waste your energy?

  • If someone doesn’t like you, let it be. Why do you want to be liked by every other person?
  • If someone said something bad behind your back, who cares! They are always behind you. So chill!
  • If they made fun of you, laugh it out. Even they are not perfect.
  • If they ignored you, ignore them: it hurts them even more.
  • If they shout at you or taunt you, try to understand their pain, there must be something terrible happening in their lives and that they envy you so much so that they just can’t resist shouting.

Above all love yourself and love the fact that every person has the right to speak their heart out. You need not have to agree to it or validate it right or wrong. It’s not winning battles that makes you happy, but it’s how many times you turned away and choose to look into a better direction. Life is too short to spend it on warring.

Be kind to yourself.


Love ‘then’ and ‘now’. A short story

She met her prince charming when she was around 17. I know that’s not the age when you could make a big decision for your whole life. Neither did she,  they just met and her first impression of him was that he might only want to have a good time with her company. She felt so because he was damn good looking with sleek masculine body: abs and huge biceps,  a fair complexion and an American accent as he had just returned from States.

They met through common friends,  she thought of him as a hot guy with flirty essence.  She had just passed her high school with not many guys around, as she was a geek back then: always glued to her books with not even a single thought ever in her wildest dreams that a handsome guy like him will ever be interested in her.

But he was, which made her feel even more suspicious about his intentions. The way he used to call her name left her with goosebumps all the time,  She had never felt this way before ever. Their name’s initials were common so she used to make a heart in between their letters at the back of her note book during her classes just to see whether it would look good if by any chance in future she would want to make a tattoo of it.  😛

He said it was love at first sight for him but for her, it started gradually because it took her a lot of time to actually believe that this is real and will last forever. She liked everything about him but never said it.  She was a very practical person back then and didn’t want to make him believe that he has an important place in her heart and that she would be shattered if he leaves her. So she disguised her feelings for a very long time so that even he knows that she would be strong and okay if it doesn’t works.

She made herself prepared that at any time they could feel that they are not fit for each other because ‘Love’ is just a fantasy, a fairy tale taught in books and there is nothing real about it. And also how could such a good looking guy be happy in being with a tumid girl like her.

But soon as time passed by she saw the amiable and shy nature of him beneath that tough exterior.  He was such a nice person with etiquette, respect, generosity and a good heart which made her fall for him even more and it was evident through her eyes by then.They started dating each other; met everyday after college and talked about how the day was; celebrated their love with little gifts to make each other special; and when they were not together they used to talk on the phone for hours. Love was in the air and nothing else seemed important for them than these small gestures for one another, not even food and shower. 😛

Both did their post graduation, and she said ‘YES‘ when he asked her the big question.They tied the knot in a very simple way with not much hustle for the family which raised many eyebrows. Everything was perfect for her, getting married to the one she never imagined  was a dream come true. Nothing could be better than this. What next ?

She was so happy to be with him that even the separation from her family seemed less painful for her. They lived happily with their careers budding along, he started his business for which he was very passionate and she worked in a company. Both of them had a busy schedule, they used to get up at 5.30 am and went to gym together, then with their packed tiffins went to their respective work. Most of their time was spent out and in traveling that they could hardly take out time to talk or chit-chat in-between the day. Her targets were high, she was very good at her work that she was given even bigger responsibilities and she wanted to grab them all to prove herself like an ambitious girl and it was her dream. After her work she used to reach home late in the evening and an hour later he used to arrive.

By the time he’s home, she used to be in the kitchen to lovingly prepare supper for them, as she felt at least one time of the meal should to be well fed and both of them used to eat together discussing about their day. And the next day used to follow the same. It was then suddenly after so long she started feeling the spark missed out of their life, even if she thought of quitting her job to be with him it wouldn’t suffice as he would follow the same routine and even then she will be seeing him only at the night. So, she got secluded within herself, keeping her thoughts with her and just going with the flow. At times she asked him to spend a little more time together to what her ambitious husband said, “Baby we got priorities now, Love’s not gonna fill our tummy. We are not college kids anymore’. Though, he was right, she wasn’t happy with his answer.

She started being negative about her relation, that he doesn’t love her anymore and money is his only priority. She said she wanted to go visit her mom for a while and he dropped her to her mother’s place for few days and kissed her good bye. She wasn’t happy with it, but at the same time was glad to meet her family and be home. For a day, she was relaxing and listening to her old songs and looking at all her stuffs which her mom has kept very nicely in her room. It was then her mom noticed and read her face and asked  with putting one hand on her head that whether everything is okay?

She poured her heart out as nothing is hidden from a mother for long, after listening to her, the mother gave her a piece of advise. She made her realize the difference of; Love then and love now. She said ‘Love then‘ was materialistic, things/gifts made you happy, you used to spend only some time together and making one another feel special for a while is easy and doable. ‘Love now‘ should not rely on what gift is brought on valentines day, or how much ‘I love you’ do you say to each other. You have crossed those days when love needs to be expressed to be proved to be true and showed off. Love was simple then and is simple now. Its just that you kids these days want to always do something crazy that is not done before to keep the love hormone pumping.


He was right when he said he has priorities, for whom ? You my dear.He might be having a turmoil in his life which he hides from you just to make you stay out of the stiffness. Try to look from his perspective, he chose you out of the rest of the girls. Don’t make him rethink of his choice. Look what all he does for you ‘now’ and not compare what he did back ‘then’:

  • he makes you feel his room , yours in which he was living alone all his life;
  • gets up early in the morning so that you could have time and not get late for your work;
  • helps you in the kitchen and laundry;
  • buys stuffs what you want;
  • gyms with you so that you stay fit and no other guy could hit on you anyway;
  • drops you where ever you want to go anytime;
  • lets you live your way;
  • listens to you and your office gossips even though not interested;
  • hugs/kisses you in the morning, make bed tea for you;
  • attends your family and friend’s parties;
  • skips hanging out with his guys to be with you;
  • watches daily soaps with you because you like it;
  • eats and praise whatever you make, knowing his mom makes better.

He is thinking way ahead that you cannot imagine and planning a base for you and your future. If he doesn’t do so and behaves like a college guy like before, it would be you who’s gonna kick him out of the house and say go work and do something for the family.

Things would not be same like young times, but you two would be together. Make most out of the time you have with each other rather than complaining. He must have been going through a lot and may need you with him. Be patient in the lows and humble in the highs. Its up to the girl to make a married life miserable like hell or fantastic like a fairy tale.

She listened to each word of her mother without a blink of the eye. It moved her, she understood the meaning of LOVE now. Her phone rang, he was calling her. She picked her phone, he was there saying that he can’t  find his socks. She smiled as she knew that his socks are always kept in the drawer where he keeps him and she said ‘I miss you too, honey!’.


MOM-Be a Girl again…

When did the last time have you seen your mom giggle like a girl” – 

I saw this caption in one of the Amazon advertisement lately where a girl sent an order of a pair of skates to her mother as a gift from her in remembrance of the childhood memories they shared when they used to skate together.

The very thought of the caption made me ponder upon the fact that do our mom’s really feel the need to be like a girl ? What is that they are missing out in their lives ? It is said that along with a child’s birth, a Mother is also born. Being a mother is God’s greatest blessing.

During this time this self centered and independent girl who has just got her best gift in her laps, will do anything to ensure that her baby is fine. Be it nursing the baby to changing diapers, help the child to take the first step and her several attempts to make her baby say “MAMA” before he could say “PAPA” :P.

But in this journey of being the best mother to her child, she forgets about her aspirations, her dreams, her needs and even herself. On one hand, she is aware in some corner of her heart that may be she has missed out lot many things and she could have done a lot better with her life given the opportunity, but on the other hand even then there is some sort of contentment in her when she looks at her baby. Thats what makes her a “MOTHER”, I don’t know what kind of hormones runs through their body once they become a mother :P. It must be some chemical change in their body, otherwise it takes a hell lot of patience to bear the menace of a baby, and also manage the big baby (husband :P) at the same time.

We live as a family in the same house but many a times we forget that there lives a lady (our mother) who has worked day and night just to make our lives better and has given up on things we cannot even imagine in our entire life  which she perfectly hides in her smile. The unnoticeable sacrifices are not even counted like:

  • the last piece of cookie she leaves for you,
  • a window seat she reserves for you,
  • missing her sibling’s wedding because you were sick,
  • do not use a mixy in the kitchen because you are asleep,
  • gets up at 5 am to prepare your lunch box,
  • eat your leftovers,
  • do not turns on her favorite TV show because its your boards.
  • leaves her favorite stilettos because you wanted another toy this time etc

She has had enough now, don’t you think so? Do you think everything is fine if it continues to be the same then you should also be prepared for all this when it comes your turn. And if not, then its the time to tell your MOM to be a GIRL again. Tell her to have a “me time” where she could take time out of everything else to do whatever she wants and she does not need to explain it to anyone. Be with her when she is trying to use her first smart phone, go shopping with her and let her shop for herself, go have coffee with her in any coffee shop, do the girly things together, go for a long drive, plan a trip for her with her best girl friends and let her go.

She was a girl before she became a mother but she has never forgotten to be a GIRL. Let her be the girl she was. You would love it.

Love you MOM.




Find Happiness in little things..

Before I start, I want you to pause and think of the following things:

When did the last time have you looked above at the stars for a minute, enjoyed the first rain of the monsoon, walked on the green grass, appreciated the varied colors of flowers, admired a rainbow, played fetch with your dog, heard the birds singing, felt the wind on your face, shouted at the top of your voice from a mountain, enjoyed the aroma of wet sand, smiled 🙂 at someone first, helped someone with no favor in return, prayed for someone ?

In the hustle of running after one thing or the other, these little activities have dimmed from our life. None of the above things are unrealistic and unfeasible. In fact, we had at some point of time done all these things at least once in our lifetime. And we can relate even now how good it felt when we did these stuffs and the people we did it with.


Our routine starts with making our body convince to get out of the bed and do something; somehow we manage get up: brush, piss/shit, bathe and dress up to work. We reach our destination half asleep with a sombre face especially on Mondays. Now, most of our time is spent at work and with the colleagues who mean nothing to us generally but there could be a few who become our good friends to rely on.

With them we share out thoughts and our funny sides. We often relate to one another if something comes out in common and most of the time it does because back then we all were alike-kiddish and wild. Apart from that its work, targets, pressure, meetings, presentations, gossips, leaves, appraisals etc. By the evening when we come home fully exhausted, nothing creative can be expected from the tired brain and that’s the end of the day with a good night sleep (only if you are blessed with one; lol).

This monotonous lifestyle takes away the fun part of us,  leaves us like a cyborg who is instructed to follow a set of rules. Many a times the breaks taken to rejuvenate ourselves fills us with lot of energy which is much needed and we try to take advantage of them as much as possible. But that too has a cap on it. You have to come back and start from where you left once again and the freshness helps you to kick start it a lot but just for a while.We are again dragged in the same lifestyle.

Off course making money is essential for living, we cannot fill our tummy by just admiring the nature. But just filling your tummy and your pockets should not be the sole reason of your existence. Sooner or later on the death bed of even the richest person, will the number of zeros in his bank account borrow him some happiness ?

Happiness resides in little things, like a sweet kiss on the forehead in the morning , a hug, when someone holds your hand when you are scared, when you see your baby smile at you, when your dog jumps at you when you come from work, when you see your kids achieve their goals, when some one cares for you, when you admire some one and they do the same to you and all those things what I mentioned at the very beginning. These are the things which no money can buy.


LIFE is simple, it is WE who make it complicated. The simplest and down to earth kind of folks are the most comfortable people to talk to. Its up to us what we want to be, humble and easily approachable ? or egotistical and assertive ?

Our basic nature has always been soft, amiable, kind and considerate. But we layer it with toughness in order to pretend to be strong. So that we don’t lag behind in the race. But who are we competing with ? What are we running for ? Why is it that we can’t walk hand in hand ? What fun is it to be on the top ALONE ? Aren’t we a social animal, where is the social thing gone from our nature ?

We think that we are very intelligent and grown ups but more than that we need to understand and constantly remind us that Happiness is not ready made it comes out from our own actions.


Don’t let me DOWN..

Ever since you have existed, you have been constantly growing both physically and mentally. Our cells are in homogeneously amplifying day be day. And by the time we are adults our mind has fully matured to perceive everything around us. An intellect that is different from others and makes us differentiate from good or bad.

No two person can think the same, and that is the beauty of diversity. It helps to come out with numerous ideas and alternatives to make things better. Most of the time this is always welcomed, after all we’ll be exhausted of people thinking , saying and acting the same every time.

So, it is absolutely fine to agree to disagree. Because you are an individual brought up differently, thinks and feel differently. Its about your perspective and mine. Both can be genuine  at the same time, its not always to be right and wrong.


We cannot fit into the shoes of the other person, what is he going through, why he  said what he said, why he feels what he feels. Why did he react that way, why he misunderstood my words.

People hurt others in order to heel themselves, try to prove the other wrong and blame them for their miseries. But in fact, they themselves are the reason of their despair. Its that little brain that created those ill thoughts and multiplied it, and anticipated a volcano to burst. Whereas, the heart kept on saying to halt and think of the good times.

In this process of being right or wrong, we forget the relation we had. The vigor of proving your virtue kills the graciousness within you and you cannot revert things once done. Is being right more important than being unite ?

Since when did it became so important than the person itself ? There will always be a reaction to an action. Some could react in the same pitch as yours and some can just shun away for a while and react in no reaction.

An heated argument can settle in some while, but the one’s which are left unsaid are undone. And this is when you call a cold state which can stay as long as someone breaks the ice.

No reaction is the biggest reaction, it makes you think a lot and say none. What keeps on hovering in your mind is in nobody’s intricate vision but they can sense something is not correct. It suffocates the relation, either you try to get along or part away depending upon the past bond.

It is okay to take your time, it is okay to keep silent and not react. But don’t let yourself down in the process of being in your zone. Speak up, put you heart out. You not gonna please everyone anyways and you don’t even need to.